Rachel Barker truly wants to help you find your voice. She is a seasoned motivational speaker with over 18 years of experience. Her goal in sharing her story is to motivate others to find a better way of life. She knows it can help you be more successful. She has gathered techniques through her own life experiences. Rachel has been married to her husband, Chad, for 27 years and is the mother of five children and two grandchildren. Her family is the nucleus of her joy. Rachel wants everyone to love their story, every single part of it. Her life’s work is to use her voice for good and to encourage others to do the same.
“I was going to make something out of myself, whatever it was.”
Listen to this episode as Rachel shares her life story and how she learned to love who she was. She teaches that it is so important to find your voice and many people don’t know how to do so. As a mother and grandmother, she has learned to have confidence in herself and build something great amidst the conflict and struggles of life. Her greatest mission is to provide a voice for those that don’t have one.
In this episode, we cover:
- Build something amidst controversy
- Discovering your purpose
- Learning to love your story, no matter what it holds
- Finding your voice and sharing your story
Resources and links mentioned during this episode:
- Rachel Barker on IG
- Crisis Support Service 800-656-4073
OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:
Call Me CEO Rachel Barker
Camille Walker, Rachel Barker
Camille Walker 00:00
I get it. You have everything pulling at you right now. And the one that pulls at you the most is your child wanting to spend time with you, but not wanting to play another round of among us or Pokémon? Well, that's why I created the time for us journals. They are a prompt journal meant for kids ages two to 12. For you to spend time with your child on something that really matters. You talk about the day ways that they've been creative, a unique prompt and even a special way to be creative together. And guess what, it only takes focused five to 10 minutes a day for your child to really feel like you see them and that they matter. And it frees you up to do the things that you need to get done, as well. Use the code co at time for us journals.com as a special thanks for me to you. Thank you for listening.
Welcome back to call me CEO. I am your host, Camille Walker. And I want to start with a great, thank you thank you for creating such a wonderful rallying support of this podcast and for pressing play. It has been such an incredible welcoming adventure, to something that I am so new to. And I just want to thank you for pressing play.
This episode is really unique and different. It goes into a very intimate, detailed story of someone's past dealing with rape. And while we do not go into explicit detail of this experience, it may be one that you want to listen to with caution and to guide your own listening experience and protect those little ears around you. Rachel Barker is a motivational speaker with over 18 years of experience. It is her goal to motivate others to consider a better way of life and a more successful path using techniques she has gathered throughout her 20 years in the nutrition industry and her own obstacles in her life. She has been married for 27 years, is a mother of five children and two grandchildren. And she does not look it Let me tell you, this girl can run circles around me. It is her life's work to use her voice for good. And it was actually through the silence of the pandemic that gave her a minute to slow down that she confronted an obstacle in her way that she hasn't spoken to, to anyone besides her husband. And through this bravery, she really tapped into her voice and is propelling herself forward into using it for good. And we go into tools and ways that you can do the same. I know you're going to love this episode. So let's get started.
So you want to make an impact. You're thinking about starting a business sharing your voice? How do women do it, that handle motherhood family and still chase after those dreams? We'll listen each week as we dive into the stories of women who know this is Cami z. Hello, everyone. I am so excited to have you here with us today I have a very special guest Rachel Barker, who is an incredible motivational speaker and has been helping women discover their voice for over 18 years, we met on the side of a mountain rappelling and I was immediately connected with her and so excited to spend more time with her. She has started an Instagram account called dear dot range where she helps women all over the world discover more about who they are. Rachel, it's so great to have you here today.
Rachel Barker 03:45
Thank you so much for having me. I love the irony of us rappelling down the mountain is it's it's ironic in every aspect, I never take risks like that. I don't. And so it was a huge thing. And so I probably got like you got all sorts of vulnerable of me that day cuz I was just like, I probably was looking at you and looking at the mountain like this. You're like, keep eye contact. But yes, that was a big, big moment. For me. It was so good to meet you there.
Camille Walker 04:08
I agree. I think it was, you know, rappelling is one of those situations where you feel like you're in control of the situation. But at the same time there is that incredible fear of like, what am I doing? Because there is so much risk involved. So I'm glad we experienced that high together.
Rachel Barker 04:24
Me too. Me too. I think it was interesting when we were at the top and the the guy who was helping us said, Do you want to control your own, you know, pace down the mountain, or do you want me to and I initially I said I want you to? Because I don't. But then after a while I'm like no, no, I want to control my own pace, my own thing and like, I thought that that was so interesting. At first, I was just willing to just give him the control, which is not like me at all. So Oh, we've kind of come back to what we know. Right?
Camille Walker 04:52
Yeah. And you took control and took that pace. Right. So Rachel, please introduce yourself and tell us more about you. In your business,
Rachel Barker 05:01
thank you so much. I, I love podcasts, I listen to them all the time I, I think they're kind of an encyclopedia of trying to find, you know, where you're able to search what it is that you need at that time in your life. And I think that a lot of people are like me where, you know, they don't know really what they're going to do, and they don't know what to do. And it would have been really, really nice about 18 years ago, to have podcasts that could have guided me through, you know, maybe you know how to do it, you know, what I was doing so that my Instagram name is deranged. And so I I started like a, an advice column like, Dear Abby, I love to Dear Abby, when I was growing up, my grandma would read it. And I love dairy out Dharavi and how her advice was not always what the reader wanted to hear. But it was so to the point. And I think that that's just like in a nutshell, to describe who I am. I am to the point. And I'm pretty candid. And I've learned over time that that is not always well received. A lot of people really want the cushion, they really want it to be fluffed up. And so when I do that, and when I try to like make that better, it is so inauthentic to me. And I don't know if that's just because I I don't know me, it's just not a life skill of mine to make things a little rosier than they are. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't come across with kindness and wanting you know you to be better in certain aspects. But I know that like in any job that I've ever had, it's hard for me to sit back and be quiet. Because I think that that kind of goes a lot a lot with my past is that when you we are unable to use our voice. First of all, we we feel like this, oh, I should have said that. I should have said that. And sometimes when we don't speak up for ourselves, then we have resentment that nobody spoke up for us. And people aren't mind reader's, especially in any type of anything, like any organization that you're in. A lot of people don't know what you're thinking and don't know any. And if you do not say what it is that maybe your ideas are or what you're thinking they're not going to know what it is. And so, like providing your own voice, and not expecting someone to stick up or stand up for you. It's been kind of one of those things that I've had to learn over time.
Camille Walker 07:25
Yeah, I feel like that's a skill that so much of us so many of us struggle with because either, especially as women, we're trying to make everyone happy. Or we're trying not to rock the boat, or perhaps we don't know who to go to or how to feel safe. So how is that a skill that you've developed and been able to share over time.
Rachel Barker 07:45
I think that when I very first started speaking, like to provide context, my dad was a football coach, and he had multiple sclerosis. And so he coached from a wheelchair. And so all he could do is speak like he could only use his voice, he couldn't show a player how to tackle someone. And so in watching him with his illness, I learned a lot of stuff from him. But I also felt very, very helpless, because he, you know, a lot of times his physical ailments outweighed so many other things. And as a child, I just grew this fear of just like one day coming home, and he has fallen and or, like on the ice, sometimes his wheelchair would fall, and there's nothing that he could do. And so I think that I just established like this fear of people leaving or dying when I when I was younger. And so as I started speaking, he he died when I was almost 18. And so he had a lot of these motivated, motivated, motivational speaking gigs that he had, like all over. And so when he passed away, and I, you know, give or take a few years, I started taking over some of his contracts. And what I do is I'd speak for high school audiences during homecoming, and I would share his story. And in the late 70s, NFL films, did a biography on him. Oh, and they, and it was a short little like, little film that they showed in between the bowl games, just as like entertainment instead of them watching like the halftime show, you know? And so I would share that video with kids, you know, and during homecoming week, it really was applicable to football. And so that's kind of how I started my speaking career as I started speaking and telling his story. I never I never put my story into his story. Until like, I think a midlife crisis is really what happened. I think that one day I just thought, you know what, this is not your story. This is not your story. You need to tell your story and and in the midst of his story was I had a neighbor and he I was 14 and he was almost 22 I think it was 22 I didn't know. And he sexually molested me and raped me when I was younger. And I, I never told anybody when it happened, I walked to a convenience store, which had payphones. And I called one friend that I knew was not really connected with anybody else. But I also knew that she was kind of close to that quick stop. So I called her and she came and got me. And the only other person that ever knew that was my husband. And it was when I was dating him, we'd watched a show, and it triggered me and I literally was a mouse I fell apart. And he's like, What is wrong with you? And he was he and this other friend was the only one that ever knew besides me. And ironically, I did not say anything until we gotten into quarantine. Well, it was a little bit before that. But we've gotten into quarantine. And I don't know if I just was had so much anxiety and all of this stuff. And I felt like what if I, you know, what if something happens, and I never really say my true story, you know, because I felt it. And I started helping women find their voice, but nobody knew why. You know, they always thought Oh, it's because you know, you, this is just who you are. But it was always this underlying, like, this is why I do it. And so during the pandemic, the lady that owns sense of style, her name is Courtney Brown. And she did this I'm a warrior because and that was the T shirt that I picked out to a promo for her company. And she was getting all these people's stories of why they chose that. And you know what that shirt meant to them. And so I use that shirt I did, I like literally brought my camera up on a bench took my own picture. And I told my story. I didn't tell my mom; I didn't tell like my my sister still doesn't know she's not really a fan of any of my work or anything. So literally, my family knew I told my kids and I told my husband, I said, Hey, I just got to do this. And they're like, they were super supportive. And so I shared it. And I was flooded, flooded, flooded, flooded with people that say, Oh, my gosh, this happened to me, or I think this happened to my daughter. I don't know how to help water resources. And it was like it was overwhelming. You know that. The people that that said that. And so what's what's hard about my story is that, like, I've done the other stuff, the retreats, the events, the speaking engagements for years. But the reason why was never ever disclosed. And so now that people hear my why, they're just like, oh, gosh, it makes sense. So I mean, I, I spoke for or for years, I speak for a lot of people in providing a voice one of my events was be the perfect cue, nobody knows. And that means it had the acronym p y n k. And before the pandemic, I had all these cities planned to have their own pink event where they would show up, show up in pink, they would like, and it was all about them. It was the story that nobody knows, but to be proud of your story and all parts of your story. Because we all have a story. It's just there's some that we and especially with social media is there's just a lot of your story, you don't really reveal a lot of the time. And so I had that event, and people just loved that. But it was there was a reason why, you know, and I'd never ever declared my reason why I just helped other people find theirs, which kind of feels a little bit of fraud feels a little fraudulent sometimes, because I mean, that's really what I'm, you know, encouraging other people to do. The problem was is that I didn't think that. And it's like, I'd been approached before to write a book. And the reason why I never wrote a book is because I knew that would break my mom's heart. But she actually like, she was hurt. But she like, I was expecting her to be like mad at me, you know what I mean? Like really mad at me. And she really wasn't mad. She just wanted to understand, you know,
Camille Walker 14:06
you know, I think the best way that I can imagine because it's similar that you share that because I had a situation as a child at the same age 14/15, where a family friend took me out on a jetski and tried to molest me, basically, and I've never shared this story publicly. And I got back to the boat. And I remember he was trying to reach into my bottoms. And I remember grabbing his fingers and pulling them apart, like the pointer in the middle and they ring in the pinkie and say you let go of me or I'm going to scream as loud as I can. And I was trying to be as threatening and menacing as I could, but this was a young man who was probably 20/22. And really, I think there was I had no defense, we were in the middle of a lake on a jetski. No one was there to save me. And thankfully, he stopped. And I was able to get back to the boat. And the only person I confessed it to was my brother, who was just a few years older than me at the time. And, and he said, You know, I bet he was just trying to tickle you. Like he said, like, he really wasn't trying to get in your swimsuit. And but I knew, I knew, and I think he knew. But I can relate to that, because I didn't tell my parents. And I felt it's like you feel this sense of shame. And that you, you don't want to let them down. And mine didn't progress, you know, to the level that yours did. But I understand that and now that I look at myself as a mother, and if something had happened to me, or to you, I mean, as a mother, now, you would just want to wrap that baby up in your arms and say, this was not your fault. This was not your fault. And I know that's how your mother feels for you. But But for some reason, we put up this wall of like, that we want to protect people, and it feels it feels so secret and dark. And
Rachel Barker 16:10
So I will use our time, the timeframe. Thank you. I think the timeframe of when this happened. I think you have this little bit of a thought is like, like when your brother did that. There was this fragment that you're like, do not believe me? Mm hmm. And that's what a lot of women faces. Like, they're like, do you not believe in like, it's been really hard for me, and this has been my, this has been my whole life. And this is. So when this happened, like, a couple, like a month or so after I went to a bishop. And I'm like, maybe this person can help me because we weren't really like a, like a very spiritual or religious family. We weren't, you know, we just were flying by the seat of our pants. And so, you know, I was one of those kids, that was the, you know, the project kid that's brought up in church music, we need to invite those guys, we need to do this. And I was that kid, you know. And so it was the first time I'd ever really like, went to somebody of authority thinking, but what I wanted is I wanted him to provide peace for me like, Oh my gosh, it's gonna be okay. And I remember telling him. And what's interesting is I noticed today on Dr. Julie Hanks, Instagram, this, just like if you get a chance look it up but a profound things saying when we do this, this is how people feel, you know? Yeah. And so when I told him, he said, he said, basically went into this line of questioning Well, what were you wearing out after a certain hour? Like you like basically put the blame on me? Here? Yeah. So I went into this thing, thinking like, maybe I was, like, you start thinking, oh, maybe it was because I wore that gap. pinstripe jogging outfit? I think that's probably why or, you know, and so I was sitting there and like, I was literally trying to answer with questions. And then I just stopped talking, you know, I just quit talking. And he said, and so he says, Well, you know, the good thing about this is that there is always repentance. There's always repentance, and I love the path of forgiveness, and the law of repentance. And so I walked away, thinking, I don't know, did you not hear the story? Right? Or maybe it was my fault. Maybe you know, you and there are so many people that they have told somebody because everybody tells one person and that that either the person that they told, like marginalized it or minimized it, or they somehow like your brother, because he didn't have like the maturity to say, Oh my gosh, are you okay? Like, we need to tell somebody? Yeah. He said, Oh my gosh, I don't want to this is awkward, and I don't want to cause conflict. Mm hmm. And that was that was his, like, defense mechanism for you. It wasn't he didn't care. But I think that a lot of times that my sister would have been that way. If she would have said, Oh, whatever is it like would have made it less though because it was an awkward subject to talk about. She my sister still hasn't even asked about asked about it or anything to this day. And for the person that's on the receiving end of that. You're just like do not give a crap about me like that was you were in the same situation. Did you like not know why I cried in my bedroom and didn't talk for like a year? Do you remember that? You know, and so you just it is about validation. A lot of the time, people want to know that it did happen. It was wrong, and it wasn't your fault.
Camille Walker 19:34
Right. And for those that are listening that don't know what a bishop is, that is a clergyman in church, someone that you would go to kind of like a confessional like if you can imagine that sort of thing. So So take me back to that place where you were recovering from this and then what changed for you. You know, now it I'm not sure whatever age you are. What was it that changed? That you were then able to say, Okay, I'm claiming this. And now what are you going to do with that? I mean, that I feel like you're in such a place of power right now that I'm just, yes. Like, what's next? And how did you
Rachel Barker 20:11
get that thing? Is that like, obviously, you know, people that have that happened to them have trust issues forever, you know, like, Yeah, and I had trust issues with not just men, but with people in general, like, my, my close proximity, my circle, my ability to trust other people was, is held me back in so many relationships in so many opportunities. Because I always think that somebody's going to, you know, like, I don't I don't trust that and so, during this time, if you don't trust that, so because this, you know, Bishop, you know, clergyman, Pastor, whatever you look at it for, set this, I still had a childlike mentality that if I don't trust him, I don't trust God. So I didn't feel like that God was on my side, because I was just like, well, it was my fault. So there's a shame, but then I got pissed. Like, I think that I just so what I did is in is that when, you know, you'd work work with women, and I did a lot of coaching for three years. And you'd work with women on a lot of the women had something like this. And they would be, like bitter, because, you know, they just didn't have a voice or they couldn't, you know, do what they wanted to do. And this was the piece that was holding them back. And I realized, I'm, you know, I realized that this was me, you know, I realized that the reason why I don't have close friendships and the reason why I don't even trust family members, or people in general, and even God, is because I didn't heal this. So I went into this like, really hard healing path, because I knew I had the time I was in, you know, everyone is in this pandemic, no one expected anything of me. It was uncharted territory, I could work on the healing. And I reflected back on this experience that I had, where I mean, I watch literally the best motivational speakers in the world, like I was able to go to Brendon Burchard, I was able to go to Tony Robbins, I was able to go with and do a Bernie brown class, and you know, at the University of Texas, so I've been able to meet these great people. The difference between me and them is that they used what was their trauma, to catapult them. I used mine internally. But I realized it was really almost like in spite, like I was gonna say, I am going to make something on myself, you know, whatever it was. And I don't know, I mean, people that believe in the law of attraction and those type of things. It will, it will only get you so far. It will only get you so far not having that healing. And so I, the most profound thing that I ever watch was a guy has its musty medicine is the name of his thing. And he has he rescues these Mustangs, and they've been they've been neglected, they've been beat. They've been wild. Nobody has tamed them, but they belong to the government. So they have like a tattoo across their neck. And he takes them. And the way that he gets them to understand him and love him and trust him is because a horse does not have a prefrontal cortex, they are only in the present all of the time, they're in the present all of the time. That means they don't remember what you did yesterday, they don't really have anything to look forward to. Everyone is an enemy. So every time I go like this with my hands, they're gonna, they're gonna jerk back until something like internally, that's not part of the brain understands, okay, this person is good. Like, there's good here, you know, and I watch this guy, take this horse, and like, be so patient with him, be patient with him, be patient with him. And little bit by little bit, he was able to pull down the halter. And he was able to do these things. And he says, you know, but as his life, you know, you get all these trust things. And then there's something that slides you back. And that's when he took one of his legs and he hobbled him up, and he put it behind him. And me watching that horse, I could not like I literally couldn't keep it together like sobbing. I couldn't like he like found out no horse's leg, and it was sitting there trying to you know, muddle through. But sure enough, so when, when a horse goes back with his head, you know how he arches back sooner or later when he becomes submissive, his head he'll almost get tired as like eyes will get like half mass, no, drop his head like this. And as I watched the horse sooner or later after that guy proved time and time and time again, the horse like like took his head down. And then he took the other leg. So he only had his front things. And that horse went down to his two front legs and it killed me. Like I literally was, I cannot watch this anymore. It was so hard. But here's where the great came is as he did that, that horse hobbled around and was just struggling like you watched him just struggle and you're just like, Oh my gosh, don't like make it stop, make it stop. And after a while he taught to him the pedis, he let him get close to him and pedis mean, not close to him. And certainly to that horse like, bowed his head again. I thought you know what, I just witnessed the atonement. in me, I was able to witness that God's love is not there to hurt me. That agency is still amongst all of us. Like it's like, we can't control it stuff we can't control. But I watched as this guy became the master, so to speak. That horse had no other choice but to trust his master. So time and time again, the master showing him. It's alright. It's alright. It's alright. You know, and he didn't give up. He was like, he just basically let the process it was the process. He submitted to the process. And I like that was it just stayed with me. And I'm like, oh my hell you are that horse. Like, like God, God can convince you over and over again. Like, even when you have blessings, and people that come into your life, you refuse to see it. Because it's you. You're like, you're almost incapable of doing so. And so during this time, I started to like, say, Okay, what is it, I had to do the work? I had to do the work. So in order to heal something, you need to rebuild it, it exists. You have to rebuild that it is actually there. It exists. And it's going to come at controversy. It is going to come. You know, I told my mom I told my kids, my husband already knew, you know. And so then I had to say okay, I've admitted it out loud. What do I do now? You know what, what's the next step? And I had to like, journal and write and then like, it's almost like the death process. You go through this thing like you're like, Okay, was it as bad as I thought data and then you go, Okay, now I'm going to come to the angry man, I want to find that guy. And I want to you know, what my husband wanted to do? You know, I wanted to like really say, Do you know that you have literally left up my most of my life because of this situation? And then because so you want somebody to I'm adjust a secret by nature. So I literally the accountability, right? And then I realized, like, what would that do? What would that do? Like the forgiveness has got to come from me. So either way. So one time, I was able to talk with the guy who wrote it's called the shock. Have you ever read the show? Yes,
Camille Walker 27:50
Yes, I have. Yeah. So
Rachel Barker 27:51
Paul, I was I was at a speaking engagement. And I spoke with Paul Young, he was the one that spoke right after me. And I was able to work closely with him during this event. And he explained why he wrote that book. And I was just blown away. Like it just why you know, all of the ins and outs of this book. And he said that the thing is like when you when he did that, that was his healing. That was the way that he he sought forgiveness, and then that he received healing. And so I, I really wrote a lot. And where I put it is literally read between the lines, and every single one of my posts. It's literally like one one person like that I know really well. Once they knew this story, they went back and they read all of my stories, like all of this stuff in my Instagram posts. And she came to me and she was just sobbing. She's oh my gosh, like it's like literally clear. Like I can read in every single one of your posts I get so you're so transparent, but nobody knew. So it's like all these people think that I'm like, but really, I made the decision with social media. I said, You know, I tried everything I tried to like, do everybody did because this is where the way that like business transition to a new level is just do social media. And I played that hustle game just like everybody else has. I played it. I put in my dues I liked and followed and comment and liked and followed. I did the process. I took the marketing things. And one day I just was so sad. Like I just was like this is like I'm entering a pageant that I don't want to be in. I don't want to be I don't want to be the prettiest girl on the block. I don't want to be the smartest Girl On The Block. I don't want to be the most popular girl on the block. I want people to want to listen to my stories. And I want it to be able to spark something to change. I want them to change. And so that is the day that I promised myself that I will no longer write for anyone else. I write for me, and it's selfish. But I don't care. I write every story is my story. I don't take anybody else's story anybody else's situations. I really write The way that I see things, and sometimes that's in a skewed untrusting mind. And a lot of times people will say, you know, just you need to sit back and go back to the littleness like when you were a little, a little kid, and I look at them, like, they're speaking of foreign language, and I want to shake them and say, I never was a little kid. I never got to be a little kid. Free Play and time not being time conscious expectation conscious. Every single time of conscious that you could be, I am not that person. Like I, I have always been aware, every single second tones of voices, facial expressions, when danger was coming, how what the levity of a situation would be. And I had no idea what that meant. I just thought, why am I like this? Why do I still think, in movies and in conversations, and at the gym, when no one's even talking to me, has nothing to do with me. And it is because highly sensitive people are usually ones that have experienced trauma. And when you've experienced trauma, you recognize wounds, you look at wounds, and you recognize everybody else's wounds. And that's really what I did is that I, I would see people, and you know, people say, Oh, my gosh, you're so service oriented. Like little secret, I can't not see it. So when you are next to me on the treadmill, or I see you and I see the wound, my only way is to serve you. That's the only way that I can tell you, I got it. All right, I got you. It's okay. And so I think that some people, especially in this like in this error, like, I'll give you a shout out on Instagram, and I'm like, I don't really want you to do that, like I want you to do whatever. And you know, these digital, thank you cards are amazing. But the intention behind it was not for that, you know, it was because I really felt the pain I really did. And the connection amongst us and all the like, you can imagine when they open the gyms back up. And they, you know, everyone was locked back into the gyms here in Utah. That's the way it was. I went in there. And it was such sensory overload from a sensitive person that I had to go home. I just like, it's too much, it was heavy. And even to this day, my husband doesn't really quite understand the way that I process information, the way I feel the information, and how different things affect me. And I don't want to be that cliche that is saying like, Oh, you don't know, instead, I just am quiet. I'm a I'm usually an observer of people of actions. And it makes people uncomfortable. Because when they say, Hi, you know, data, and also they'll ask my advice, I'll say exactly. And it's almost like I know. And they're like, it makes them uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. And so I've learned to be silent with that, unless they asked me.
Camille Walker 32:58
Okay, so my sister is actually currently -well, it's been about a year now she has been taking a course about being an empath, which, and being able to talk to people about their situation, that's and it sounds like you very much are gifted in that area. And I mean, I guess there is a filter where maybe people aren't ready to hear it. And you've had to learn that, you know, to not give it all, but what a wonderful gift to be able to read people and connect with people when I feel like connection is so lost. You know, with digital age, and especially with us having been a part during the pandemic, I think that you being able to recognize that and that it is such a gift that, you know, is incredible. I think it's something you should not be ashamed of, in the least, you know.
Rachel Barker 33:47
Well, I think that that one of the things that I like, that's been hard about that is that I've never really delved into energy work, because I kind of was like, a person that's like, if you do this, you get this, if you do this, you get this, if you do this, you get this. And so I I was invited by a group of people to speak with them in energy work, and I was the only one that wasn't energy work, energy work person. I was like, literally, you know, life hard knocks. And when I shared my story with that person before the pandemic in like, I don't know what they call it, it's when you're like, their Reiki and then they're like, is it EMDR? Is that what it's called? I don't know what this Okay, so it was one of those I revealed that and it was like, forthcoming and I like I was like I had a conversation with her about it. Well, you know, as time goes on, I just was thinking like, Oh my gosh, I kind of made breakthrough. There's breakthroughs in that that I've never made before. Well As time went on, and some things kind of went sour. And like I went right to that fear. I'm like, Oh my gosh, she's gonna tell my story. Like she's going to tell somebody my story. And then my kids are going to hear it from somebody else like it. Like, you know, when you write the story in your head, you're like, why would she tell your kids like, That's silly. But in your mind, you're like, Oh my gosh, these people that like there's quite a few people that weren't in this organization that knew me that we had spoken publicly, and I panicked. And I think that like, in that little brief thing, then we went kind of into the pandemic after that, and I just was like, Oh, my gosh, I just I don't know what to do. And like, I think that that encourager, the fear is, was really one of the main factors of why I ended up share my story is like, initially, I was scared that she would share it. And I thought, you know, what, if you want to tell the story, the way the story really was, you tell the story. And so I think that that's why I did it is like initially that that would have that kind of pushed me to it, which is a really good reason. But I think that that that was the, the initial reason why I did share it. And then Courtney, then Courtney had the warrior thing. And I thought, well, here's your chance.
Camille Walker 36:04
Yeah. And it's interesting that for some years, you have had a platform, and that it took moments of silence and a little bit of a nudge. But now that you have it out there, what does that feel like?
Rachel Barker 36:18
Do you know what's what's interesting is like, I have to, like, it's almost like, I'm talking about another person. And like, because like, just like I showed emotion to you just a second ago, like that is all of this is such new stuff to me. I only, I only use a notion when like, whenever I talk to my about my dad, which is such a raw thing. I will, like, be overwhelmed. But like I don't, there's not a lot of sadness around that event. I think that like, when people come into, like, there's trauma, but I don't really have sadness, because I think that when you have sadness, there's I don't know what that like, how to articulate that emotion. But I, when I share that story, I don't have sadness, I have sadness in the actions that the other people did, like, in trying, like, you know, the person I told, like the bishop that I told or whatever, I have sadness that, like, I would never tell a little kid that and I, that's where my son is coming, like how many people went, and one they weren't believed, or two, they were told that it was their fault, you know, and that's where my sadness comes. The event brings no sadness, which I don't understand.
Camille Walker 37:27
I think Well, I mean, from the outside looking in, it sounds like you've developed a lot and you've progressed, and you can now look at it from an maybe a woman's perspective as a mother, as a grandmother, as, as an empathetic person, which you are, and you are extremely dynamic. And I love how open you are. And so that really surprised me when you said that you're that you guard yourself, I wouldn't have guessed that about you. Because upon first meeting you you're very outgoing, energetic, you, you have a very warm, like strong warmth about you. And so to be able to say no, I've, I have struggled with trusting people and knowing if I'm safe with them. And I would hope that coming out with this story and being able to really dig into that why will make it so that that frees you a bit, you know, being able to create those bonds in a different way. And I don't know, I mean, that's something it's fascinating for me to see that. And to hear that from you. Because you give so much and your empathy has been so apparent. I mean, do you have any idea of how many hundreds I mean, how many 1000s of dollars that you've raised over the years with? Oh, you are and explain a little bit about what Oh, your Oh, EUR is for those who are listening and may not know.
Rachel Barker 38:50
So all yours operation Underground Railroad. When years ago, I helped the group that that opened the abolitionist and the abolitionists was the very first movie with Tim Ballard that he explained, like he explained how they they go, and they, they help get these kids out of sex trafficking. And so it was a movie that they put out, and that Larry h Miller, that organization, they offered all of their theaters, for everybody to go see this movie, and they could buy their tickets, all of the donations went to Omar and it was an amazing movement. I watched it like progress. And it was like it was a lot of work. But it was so great to see what happened and then kind of like died over the years. And my involvement lesson just due to like, a couple personal reasons that I just kind of stepped back a little bit, but I've always been in an organization. And then during the pandemic, as you know, you see when people are trapped, and they can't go anywhere. Like you know all of these things elevate domestic violence, sex trafficking, pornography issues, like all of this, I mean, it just unleashes because people it just gets in. So the numbers were increasing. And like, there was a huge plea, and I thought, you know what this is I need to step back in for a minute, I know that we can make a difference. And so I contacted, like, I didn't know a lot of these influencers, I had no idea. They didn't know who I was. I literally just said, Hey, this is my, you know, I'm Rachel Barker. And I'm doing this ride at sweat cycle. I knew Stacy from sweat cycle from her in laws, I was her, you know, I knew her in laws. And so I just basically said, you know, this is what I'm doing. And she says, I'd love to offer my studio shop at the studio, we work together, and then with another friend of mine that does t shirts, and the logos and stuff. And we all work together. And I just reached out to these people and said, Will you help me? And the ones that like that I built relationships with? The, you know, every single one of them? Nobody told me? No. Nobody told me no. And then I filled the bikes that we could fill for that. And then what, what we did is we had to buy the shirt, so you bought the shirt. And then we just took the cost of the shirt and the rest went to Oh, you are and then what they could do and do Venmo like raise, like together. And then the same girl that did the T shirts for the UI right? was doing the T shirts for the get loud that high fitness did. And I can't remember what the number was all together. But the what they raised was nothing short of a miracle. Yeah, like I was like it, it was shocking to see like, when we went down, it was a couple months later, because I like we were cut a couple of us were quarantined for a minute. And then like so by the time we could go actually hand in the checks at the operation Underground Railroad, it would have been a couple months since we met together, me and Stacy from the sweat cycle. And the gal Her name is Andy she does men saw at t shirt company, we were able to go hand in that money. And at that time, I just it just hit me like oh my gosh, like I was able, for once in my life to say oh my gosh, you did good. You know, like I've done a lot of times, but like, I was really proud of myself, like I was really proud that we did that, like I usually don't take credit. I'm just like, I feel like sometimes I'm a worker in the mix of it. And then at the very end of the day, it's just like, and I was talking to my husband. And it was really hard because I was at a moment that a lot of people face in business. So in in business, you especially now like I feel like that women are still struggling to say, well, what's my purpose, and if I don't have a large corporation, or if I don't have this than I am nothing, and you're like, dude, you're raising these little kids, you're like, like, you got to see what you have done. But I like I can point that out for somebody else. But for me, I'm just like, you don't really have a product, you are the product. And so when you're the product, and you're not directing people, like in a pandemic, like what do I sell, you know, like, what do I sell for myself, I don't really sell anything. And so during that time, I just was really struggling and my husband was watching it, because unlike me, he was the he was has been the busiest because he runs he is advice for cells that have the people that do fr clothing fire, like fire resistant clothing. So people that are in art flashes or work on the oil rigs or anything that's going to have that kind of, but because they ran out of it in 95 masks early on in the pandemic, they they were like, desperate to get the FFR because it doesn't matter if it's fire resistant, they just needed the product for their medical workers. So he was the busiest I've ever seen him. And so here he is, and he's busy, busy, busy. And I'm just like, you know, feeling like I'm held, like useless and don't have a purpose, and what do I do and, and so I was really struggling and and then you know that, you know, a couple of the things were lifted, and we were able to do more, we're able to have that event data. And after that, like I kinda was looking at I'm having a conversation, she says, Rachel, do you realize that if they, if anybody converted what you've made into your salary, you do really well. And I was just like, I never looked at it that way. I never looked at like, the money that I'd raised. As far as purpose. You know, because people like measure success in so many different ways. They measure success in in, like all these different care like things and I feel like that I didn't ever really make a rap shirt, a rap sheet of like, the stuff that I had, like done. And I think I just equated it to money and like businesses that are thriving, and I'm like I don't have a thriving business. I literally am in the hole like if you were like judge my business the reason why you have me on your tax forms is because I'm I'm a business that loses money. And that's you know, most most people that do nonprofit, you know, and I wasn't yet a nonprofit. I just was a person Doing nonprofit events. And it just it like was seriously like, I don't what are you doing? And like, in that conversation with him, he's just like, what do you like? What would you want to do? Like, if it was ideal? What would you want to do? And I remember looking at him, I go, I want to show up, speak and leave. He goes, do you? Is that really would you be satisfied with that? Like, he just kind of called my bluff? You know, he says, Yeah, you know, he said, Really? Is that what you want to do? And I had to really take what he said to heart because he was right, you know, it's like, the stuff that you do, I feel like the all of the concepts is what every single guru teaches in business, in order to have a profitable business, you must give, if you give no service you will receive like, it's, it's like, it's one of those things that like a person could come. And their data all looks perfect. I'm just like, it looks perfect. And then you the first thing I'd asked him is like, what do you do to give back, and they like, and I know I said, I know that I can't prove it on paper. But give, give of your time, give your funds, give back to the community, because if you don't, then you'll never see what you want to see. And so the problem with me is I got really, really low. And I just was like, I'm giving, I'm giving, I'm just not seeing anything of it. You know, everybody gets there. Like, I mean, my kids get out there, like, I'm just being the best friend and nobody's my friend, you know, we've all been there. And so, but the more that I got in that area, the less that my light just completely went to shine, because it was it's, it's, it's just a state that like that no light comes there. Like it just when you say, you know, I just give, give, give, and you take take take and bla bla bla bla, that there's so much negativity that you can't, you can't see any light. And there, you know, I'm not gonna say that there's not a lot of people that if you're willing to give of your services that they're not going to take take take all day. And those have been the hard lessons for me to learn in the Instagram business. Mm hmm. I've learned that really like as far as like networking, all these like little like building blocks that people say, Well, this is what you have to do in networking. I think that like I said earlier, we were talking earlier off the camera. But I think when you do what I do, and you've done the things in the different events that I've done, people kind of misinterpret your that you are just a pro bono person that I have pro bono stuck and written across my forehead. And that like if you and I tried to figure it out, if it's just like, Is it the message I'm putting out because people are like, That must be the message you're sending people is that you're willing to work for free every single time, no matter what. And that really, really discouraged me, I got really frustrated and I didn't know what to do. I didn't have there really wasn't announcer I mean, you don't really say to somebody just say, you know, how does one kind of, you know, graduate out of the pro bono work to actually want to make money. And I don't know what it is about having shame with money. But a lot of people have shame like shame, saying, Hey, you know what, I actually would like to make some money. Instead of give all the money, I'd like to make some money. And that has been that's probably where I'm at at now. I think that that is a part for me that when I would do motivational, speaking engagements, when I talked about my dad, it was set. It was set, like the I would go into the student body officers and I'd say hey, what's your budget? And I'd say this is what I charge. They'd say, yes, it was over. Like there was no emotion involved in it. And when you start telling your story, all of a sudden, you've set this precedence that there's a lot of emotion in there. And you feel like very vulnerable and asking for what your your price would be. Yet when you go get your hair done. And when you get your nails done, never do they say Is this okay? Is this am I okay with you? Never. I've never and I never like like, argued with my nail person or my hair person if that was okay, if I paid that price, right? It just was like a non-negotiable. And I I think I've been trying to find that in my life is like what is what is a non-negotiable for me? And I'm not all the way there yet. I don't know what that is, you know, I've gotten because there's not a lot of events or there's not a lot of speaking engagements. I have done a lot of collab work, which is it's hard because people on Instagram, like one of the biggest things that they say is like, you know, what do you do and stick with that. But I'm not like that. That is so inauthentic to me because I do 1000 things. Mm hmm. All of us do 1000 things now Do I need to like hone it in. But I also feel like that if you are, you know, laid off from a corporate job, are you gonna stay home and lay in your bed until they come and knock at your door? Are you gonna hustle, doing the site things until you get the job you want? And I'm a hustler? I think that that's just, it's in my nature. Like I've worked literally worked since I was like 1313 years old. And that was not counting babysitting. I had a paid job at 13. Like I worked at this little cafe It was called Como and I like I've earned my own money. Since I was 13 years old, and so I just have this these, you know, and so I see the struggle in a lot of people where they're just out there just like what do I do? And I would be a liar. If I didn't say why. I'm still asking the question, what do you do? People ask me that all the time? What? What do you do? It's a good question. You know, it's it's like the, you have a lot of skills, but you're the master of none. I don't know what the answer. I don't know what the answer is to that. But I know that like making a difference. And having like, that's the biggest thing, like, if I was to choose a mission, is I want to provide
Camille Walker 50:38
a voice for those that don't have one. And I learned that. So let I'm going to ask you a question. And maybe I know that you said you don't know all the answers yet. But you have been motivational speaking now for years and years. And if you were to give yourself advice, or someone who's interested in taking that path of becoming a motivational speaker, what would those top three to five tips be about, you know, getting in the door to be in these incredible situations where they could share their story and how to set a price? I mean, just taking a step back, as if you were talking to me say that I was asking you that question. What would you say?
Rachel Barker 51:16
The first thing I'd say is to know your story, and to know your audience, so if when you know your story that will tell you, your audience, and when you know your audience, and you're confident in your story and how your story will benefit the audience. That is where that gets you in the door. The price is, like every speaker that I've ever talked to. I mean, I'm talking like people that I know, like, one a local one, like, Dan Clark just comes to mind just because he was a local. I remember asking him the same question. When I was like, wanting to take my dad's stuff. He said, you know, I did a lot of like, you, you do need to speak for free for a minute. You do because you're you're trying to earn the credibility, you need, you're put that on your resume. And also, this is what I would say to a lot of people know, in knowing your audience, know, if your audience is that of a spiritual nature, and not in a like I would say self improvement. I'm not saying they can't be both, but the audiences are different. I am not a fireside speaker, you would not hire me to speak at a fire site. Never does a fire hydrant, you know, a fireside speaker ever use the F word they just don't.
Camille Walker 52:34
And they vent or not, you know.
Rachel Barker 52:36
So I'm just saying. So like, I think that like, that's that that would be my first thing is like, I see a lot of people that are speaking, and they are speaking at, like, you know, church functions over and over and over and over again. And they get labeled as this church speaker. And I was never that person. I was never the fireside speaker. So I would tell them like, no, what audience Do you want to cater to, and be able to all take the any audience that's going to hear me, which is great. I love that. I love that that is your you know that your motivation. But the problem is, is that their takeaways are so different. And there's automatically this assumption, when you speak as a fire fireside speaker, it just you kind of get in that loop with different speakers that are, you know, that's your gig and this side doesn't usually hire this site. Okay, that sounds like the Nevers, but I've not really seen one transition kinda reminds me of like, when Taylor Swift made the country to hip hop, and oh, yeah, yes. So it's like, it took us like, that little bridge was just like, oh, it can be done. It just doesn't happen very often. Mm hmm.
Camille Walker 53:45
So is there anything now that you're moving forward? And you have you have your story? What is next? I'm going to put I'm going to just ask it, what do you think is next and what is it what's I know that the goal and you've said this many times is to allow others especially women to use their voice and their story? And I think that is a powerful statement and you certainly have the skills to facilitate that. So what does that look like for you?
Rachel Barker 54:15
Right now it looks like because we don't know what the future brings in trying to like basically petition event people to hire me for their event. I think that I've got to you I've got to figure out a way that I can use my message to be either duplicatable. Cheap, teachable, educational, be able to use use that in like, this is what I get asked more than anything else. How did you start planning events? Like what did you do? What do you like what is necessary? What like, What do I have to do to plan this event I want to be I want to do a retreat or I want to do an event or I'm doing this movement. What do you do? And there is there is a bullet point list of the things that you do and it's come with like after doing that 10 to 20 events, you're you've got it down, you got down, like, Hey, this is what you do first, this is what you do. Second, these are some options of people. And I think that when you build that original list of what you do and what you wouldn't do, again, that it's all trial and error, but that's what I would offer somebody that's trying to build their own events, their own movements, their own, things like that, I could tell them what I did, like what I did that I duplicated time and time again, what I left out and what like, really, now I've got it to a skeleton process of what works and what you know. And the biggest thing that people don't know about events, and they can be profitable. Most the time they're not, they're building something else that you do events, build something else that you do. So if somebody has a product and they do an event, it's usually about the product, because you are really a glorified cruise director. When you do events. Yeah, you're you're when you're at a retreat, you're worried about the plumbing or the cooking or the like you really are doing all these incidental things. You're like thinking this is not what I signed up for I signed up to be motivational, you're like, Yeah, but you know, numbers, the room number three's toilets clogged. It's just, I think that that's just part of it. And when you are like, get get it down to a science, that's when you delegate somebody to to do that. But the biggest, and the hardest part, I hate to use those extremes is getting those tickets sold. Anybody that that has done retreats or done events, you can have every single thing going and you're you're stretching to sell those tickets, it's you're selling those tickets to like literally the day before the event.
Camille Walker 56:40
So I've done a few events on and I know I'm like yes, these are all very true. So what would you say is some of the best ways that has helped you to sell tickets?
Rachel Barker 56:50
I think the first thing that the I have done is to have testimonials and build that credibility with other people that they can actually say, you know, this is what I learned like that. Like, I think it's just like you said earlier, like women have a really big problem in investing in themselves. But you have no, you have no qualms about paying your copay to go get your strep throat figured out, right? None will pay the copay. Here we are. But when you're like, hey, what I can offer, you may help you in years of being a better parent, a better friend, a better person loving yourself, blah, blah, blah, that ticket price is just one that they're like, Oh, that's just so much, so much. And time, time is a commodity, it's really hard for people to give up their time. And I'm one of those people. So if you offer me a three day retreat, I'm going to struggle, because it's really hard, especially when my husband traveled to take myself out of the equation for three days. Mm hmm.
Camille Walker 57:49
So exactly as a mom, right?
Rachel Barker 57:51
Yeah. Yeah. So I think that you're, you're asking somebody to give up that time, the retreats are huge and beneficial. But I learned really early on is what are you willing to give up for you don't ask people to do what you're not willing to do. And so that's when I kind of met, like, I kind of entertain the idea of doing day events versus the retreat. So that's when I kind of migrated out of doing retreats to doing day events, because I knew that a person could get a babysitter for X amount of time. And like, not use the excuse that my husband can't watch or this can't happen or this can't happen. It eliminates a lot of those excuses. And it gets them there. Because once I am confident in these in any type of self improvement, or any one of these of these events, once you get them in the door, they will be moved, they will make they will that you will impact them. here's the here's the the the in between that is hard for me, even with retreats is you get them in there. And you get kind of like when you go to a girls camp or you go to an outdoor experience, people feel things, they express things, they shed tears data, and they're like at the very end, they're like I am motivated, I'm going to go and do the best things ever. They get home get pushed right back into reality and nothing changes. So that is that I think that that's the biggest obstacle from doing events is what really is going to push you to make a change. And I think that that's why any I mean, even if you have like a workout program, and eating program, when you give things away for free, the people don't become vested in it at all. So they'll say Oh, he's given it and then they give up but when you put a very high sticker price in there, they're motivated to say hey, I I spend the money I've got to get the value out of this. So yeah, value you know, and so I it's not that I necessarily I'm like encouraging everybody to say, you know, make sure but you doing them for such a long time and seeing them I don't want to price it to where you are not going to get the most broken of people that really need to Be there, but I'm not going to price it also that I'm giving it away and then going in the hole at the end of the event. And that's I did that in a lot of events. One event that I did, it was a retreat. I encourage business owners or people that had employees that really they, they can nominate an employee and pay for them to come. And they, and the people that showed up to that event, like it was like a scholarship. So they, they funded the scholarship, and I got the money. So the money paid for the event and the incidentals, it went to the nonprofit situation. But then the people that came to that event, were probably unlike any other people that I ever did an event for, they were broken beyond broken, broken. You're trying to teach them skills to like, express themselves, that at at a when they have been so badly abused, or had such amazing trauma, that you're just like, I don't even know what I can offer them that would even, you know, help them. And so it scared me It scared me to offer something like that, when I did have those two people in that thing that actually were trained, you know, in like counseling or whatever. But I also know my arena, if there is something that I am not licensed for that I am not going that I will send you to an expert, I will not try to pretend that I am the expert in that field. And that has happened. And that's how I built a lot of relationships. But this particular event, we luckily had experts on there and that those two people probably worked the whole entire three days. Wow.
Camille Walker 1:01:42
That's incredible that you could facilitate something like that I just interviewed a woman yesterday, Amanda, Ducach, who just created a social app called Social Mama. And it connects women to professionals for free. So mental health professionals, doctors, coaches, and I think it's such an incredible service, because there are so many who don't have resources or know who to turn to, or have a retreat and opportunity to go to something like that and really discover their voice and create healing.
Rachel Barker 1:02:15
I agree. I agree that that's a resource that that we as a country, we see we're seeing it come tenfold right now. Yeah, there's nobody that's walking into an inner city that doesn't see a lot of mental illness, a lot of addiction and a lot of homelessness. I mean, no matter no matter the city.
Camille Walker 1:02:34
It's crazy. So for those who are listening to wrap this up, and say there's a woman listening right now who has a story, or has a trauma or has a situation that they really feel like they need to open up about or heal from or to discover that voice. What would your advice be to her?
Rachel Barker 1:02:54
The first thing I do is I'd write down your story. I'd write it all down. And then I would read it back to yourself, okay, write it down, read the story. And this was the best advice I've gotten. Read the story as if your daughter was sitting right in front of you. You leave it to her, like an almost like, feel like she's telling you your story. How would you judge your daughter, she was telling you your story. She said, I thought it was my fault. I thought I been you know, dress scandalously, or whatever the story is, you imagine your child or your daughter, especially telling you the story and your amount of empathy for yourself? And just like, Oh my gosh, how did you make it because if you were, if you heard your story, third hand, like by somebody else, and you would be so forgiving, you'd give benefit of the doubt, you'd say, Oh my gosh, you'd probably be like, amazed that you come as far as you did with the little skills and the support that you had. And that was how would you my first thing that I tell you to do write your story. And then as you read it, imagine that your daughter is telling you your story.
Camille Walker 1:04:08
As if it was her own. That's how powerful and you know, it's interesting, because when you did tell me your story, that is what I was thinking is now I mean, my perspective on so many things changed when I became a mother, and my compassion and my understanding and my, just the depths of what this life is all about. And so to be able to take that perspective and really shift and give yourself that compassion that is such an incredible tool. I love that advice.
Rachel Barker 1:04:41
Camille Walker 1:04:44
Well, this has been absolutely incredible. And I am just so full of gratitude that you would be willing to come and share your story. And I am
Rachel Barker 1:04:55
Camille Walker 1:04:56
So moved and I were I I will Want us to be able to come together and support you and your next journey. I feel like you are on the precipice of something big. I mean, to have come through this pandemic, with so much clarity and courage to share your story, I just think this is going to help so many, and where can we go to help support you?
Rachel Barker 1:05:23
You know, I, I have just I don't have a website right now I, I should create a website, I guess, you know, I'm not really, you know, I don't have those skills yet
Camille Walker 1:05:32
says, I'm going to push you to do that, because we're recording this December 3, this episode will come out probably end of January, early February, maybe by then she'll have one and if she does, I'll add it to the show notes. But for now, we can find you on Instagram. Is that right? Yes,
Rachel Barker 1:05:48
I'm on Instagram. It's dear.rach,
Camille Walker 1:05:50
Dear.rach. And we can come and rally around you there. Well, thank you so much for being here today. It has been an absolute pleasure.
Rachel Barker 1:05:59
Thanks so much for having me. I really enjoyed it.
Camille Walker 1:06:03
If you or anyone you know has experienced assault in your life, there is a 24 seven confidential hotline that you can reach out to that is rain online at 800-656-4673. This is a crisis support service available for any sexual assault or harassment where you can chat online in either English or Spanish and have the resources you need for domestic dating violence, victims of crime or other additional resources. Do not stay silent. There are people that will believe you and listen to you and give you the support and love that you need. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I will see you next week. Hey CEOs, thank you so much for spending your time with me. If you found this episode inspiring or helpful, please let me know in a comment and then five-star review. You could have the chance of being a featured review on an upcoming episode. continue the conversation on Instagram at Cami CEO podcast and remember you are the boss
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